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Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Being able to help...

Wow...God is truly AWESOME...I MEAN AWESOME! His power is beyond imagination and I am humbled by how He chooses to use me at various times.

I was on Facebook (oh...why am I so addicted to Facebook...well...that's another blog entirely) last night. Just to check in on things and get off. Something drew me in and it wasn't any one thing. I started random conversations with people who were logged in; something I don't normally do. Then, I began a conversation with one person in particular. Someone that I've known through Rachel's Vineyard. It started out casually enough with hellos and being excited about tonight's monthly meeting. Nothing to blog about, necessarily.

Then, it changed. Before I knew it, we were in the middle of discussing something very intimate and I was walking with her through something she dreaded. It was as if my words were ready before she even spoke her next sentences. I felt moved to write to her in such a way as to comfort as well as reassure her of things to come. Although I believe myself to be a compassionate and relatively well-spoken person, I realized that those were not my words on the page. Sure, I typed them. But, it was too perfect and too quick to be me. Not that I'm a slow person, but it was the "feel" of the words. How they struck a nerve in exactly the way she needed it at the time that made me realize who was really at work there.

It was like a grand surprise. As I stated to someone else, "It's like a gift you weren't expecting." That's what it feels like when God uses me through the Holy Spirit for such works. I felt so "high" after our conversation. It was joy and a feeling of elation at having helped someone.

When I start to feel sadness for what I experienced or lonliness for a child I will never know, I try to remember all the good that The Lord has allowed me to do as a result of that horrible day. God is so amazing that only HE can take a tragedy and bring joy from it for others' lives. Which, eventually becomes a very necessary part of your own healing. A healing you never thought possible, but a healing that is undoubtedly desired and needed.

I can never take back that day. I can never bring back my child. I will not know her until I am in Heaven. However, God has enabled me to find ways of helping others in the meantime. He has brought me healing and allowed me to take that healing and pay it forward. I am blessed and so thankful for that...it is beyond measure and I hope to bring that same level of healing possiblity to men and women who also suffer from abortion. I am blessed because I can fully understand their pain and can speak to them with true compassion and love. That is the gift He gave me that day...I just didn't realize it until I was finally healed.

Praise God!

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