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Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Post-Abortive Pain - Yes, it IS Real

I was reminded, tonight, of a note I wrote and posted on my Facebook page two years ago.  I had forgotten about it, but after I re-read it, I thought it was important enough to repost in my blog.  Often times, people attempt to dismiss the feelings that accompany abortion, which only further separates a post-abortive person from its reality and in many cases, from God, Himself.  The fact that we are told we cannot grieve and that it's "no big deal" hinders our recovery in a major way. 

Destruction of life is not a lightweight thing to carry around and yet, people who are "for choice" seem to believe it is not such a serious matter.  Some believe that because we "chose" abortion that we should not continue thinking on the matter or worse, we don't deserve to grieve.  Others believe that why they might "personally" be against abortion because they believe it is wrong, they do not have a right to tell someone else they cannot have that "choice."  It saddens me that while someone can admit it is wrong that they cannot apply that truth toward others.  As a result, we have far too many abortions completed each day (thousands) and far too many living victims of that act that continue to suffer the loss of their child. 

Since obtaining my own healing, I realized that I could no longer remain silent in this matter.  Why would I ever want another person to suffer my fate?  How could I sit idly by and watch it happen?  No.  I must work to help others protect those without a voice and also, those who would otherwise suffer the pain and loss of that precious life.

The following is a copy of the note that I wrote in response to some of the people I encountered online.  One person, in particular.  I hope you will read it and consider the importance and value of each life.  The mother, father, and unborn child must all be protected.  Peace to you.

So, recently, on the Pro Life discussion board (on Facebaook), someone accused me of having a "pseudo psychological" experience with regard to my abortion. Later, she also said that I was using "scare tactics" when sharing my own, personal abortion story., if I share my story...a very real perspective of a first-hand abortion experience, then I am using scare tactics and, my experience is invalid...not genuine...not noteworthy on any level. Well...I replied to her that if she is "scared" by the story, then she should try imagining what it was like to be there, going through it. If my story frightens anyone, then perhaps it is because it strikes a chord...hits a very real highlights how unnatural and wrong abortion is and the damage it can do to a person. Not only does it extinguish a life, it forever changes another person...or...persons.

My heart is sad to think that people can be so focused on their own agendas and opinions that they would rather deny any possible pain associated with abortion rather than deal with the genuine effects of it on countless men and women. They would rather ignore an entire group of people and deny them any sort of help rather than admit that this could, indeed, be the cause of some serious problems.

We need to pray that much harder and that much more. To think that our society is becoming this heartless and without conscience is truly a frightening thing. Once we lose our ability to be give dignity to others...once we give in to only "reacting" to the things around us and running on personal desire and passions alone, then what...exactly...separates us from the animals???

If anyone tells you that "post abortion syndrome" is not real and to "just get over it" then they are living in denial. It is VERY real. Most men/women suffer in silence because no one told them they are allowed to grieve. No one provides them with the outlet to talk about it and discuss how it has affected them. Healing is out not not give up hope!

God is waiting. Hope is waiting.  If you are suffering from the effects of abortion, then please contact Rachel's Vineyard Ministries.  Their Web site is:

Additionally, there is a Rachel's Vineyard Retreat in the Tulsa (OK) area on the weekend of March 16-18.  If you would like to consider attending this retreat, please contact Catholic Charities at (918) 949-HOPE.  Ask to speak with Mary Lee Ingram about Rachel's Vineyard.  The journey toward healing begins here.  It certainly did for me.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

My friend Mary...Her Story...

Although my blog is generally dedicated to experiences via Rachel's Vineyard and my healing afterwards, I have been known to also write about Pro Life matters, as you know.  This is something I think should definitely be shared with as many people as possible.  It speaks to the core of being Pro Life in all circumstances.  I hope you will not only read the story below, but also, share it with others.

Recently, I was approached by a brave young woman who asked me to share her personal story with others.  I am deeply honored she would ask me to do such a wonderful thing.  Therefore, please take the time to read her story of anguish and courage.  For the sake of privacy, I have changed her name and the name of her daughter, but not the details of her story, which remain true and intact.  We should pray that more women exhibit such strength in the face of untold opposition and fear.

My name is Mary and I would like to tell you a story.  A story about a young, 22-year old girl who was terrified, but made a choice for life against all odds and in opposition to what today's society teaches us.  This is my story.  The events relayed here happened to me a very real person who was faced with the ultimate moral decision.  Do I truly respect life, or do I only respect the lives of those who come into being with forethought and desire for their presence?  I was about to find out.

My husband and I had recently separated and my marriage was gone.  I went to visit a friend and have a drink.  In fact, she decided to throw a party that evening and I proceeded to drink two beers.  I cannot tell you if the party was fun or if I enjoyed it in the least.  Why?  Because I do not remember even the slightest detail.  What do I remember?

Waking up the next morning...disoriented...naked...headache...and upset stomach.  I was extremely conused.  I asked my friend what happened the night before? 

She told me I had passed out, so she decided to place me in one of the empty bedrooms to sleep it off.  Beyond that, she doesn't have any idea what happened beause she was busy elsewhere in the party.  She assumed, sadly, I was safe.  Although, even at that moment, nothing occurred to me, either.  I didn't consider something terrible happened to me that evening and simply went home and thought nothing of it.  Nothing, that is, until something changed  two months later.

I began to feel sick and the smell of even my most favorite foods would cause me to wretch.  It was then I began to fear what was happening to me.  With imploring eyes and terrified heart, I searched my mother's face for answers.  The words that came from her mouth shot complete horror and disbelief through my soul.  She said I was pregnant.  I was stunned.  No, that could not be true.  I told her that you only get pregnant when "doing things" that could result in pregnancy.  And since, at this time, thinkgs still weren't coming together, I did not believe anything could have caused me to become pregnant.

Still, I decided to see a doctor the next day.  What I found out there would irreversibly change my life forever.  I was terrified, but knew I needed to get answers.  While in his office, I described what I was feeling and then, we ended up talking about that night, two months prior, where I experienced the odd set of circumstances including my waking up in a highly suspect state.  The doctor, oddly enough, had been at this same party.  What a coincidence!  I conveyed to him what my friend told me about the night before and how I woke up the next morning.  It was then he described the "date rape" drug to me and I felt sicker than I have my entire life.  My body began to shake and I was all-at-once experiencing something totally unimaginable.  Was it possible?  Was this really happening to me?

The doctor had to take some time to calm me down after that.  He was kind to me and seemed to understand what I must be feeling.  I submitted to a pregnancy test and to my astonishment and shock, I tested positive.  Was this really happening to me?

It wasn't, however, until several weeks later that I accepted and realized I was, indeed, pregnant.  With that realization came the consideration of whether or not I was truly ready for another child.  My first child was born when I was 20, only two short years prior to this event.  I was suffering a broken marriage and I was utterly alone.  How could this be happening to me?  Why?

My pregnancy was a tormented state for seven long months as I continued to contemplate the possibility of abortion.  Yes, during that entire time, I kept thinking about the "choices" I had and whether or not that might be the best thing in the long run.  After all, I was alone, I already had one young child, and this was a child of rape.  What life could I offer it?  After those thoughts of abortion finally passed, I moved onto thinking of adoption for all of the same reasons.  It was an emotionally taxing time for me.

Finally, during the eighth month of pregnancy, I snapped out of my self-loathing and confusion.  I refused to permit what happened to me and the person who did it to have any further control over me or my life!  I was done!  I also decided that my baby, my child, my daughter deserved a mother, her birth mother.  I accepted my role as her mother from that day forward and would never again change my mind!

The day I gave birth to Sarah was one of the happiest of my life!  I thanked God for supporting me during my time of grief and trouble.  I thanked Him for helping me decide against abortion. 

My daughter is now five years old and I love her, dearly!  She has a few areas of concern and has ADHD but we work on those things together one day at a time.  Never would I consider giving her up or changing my mind to give her life.  Sarah is my precious gift from God and I could never have given that chance up.  I am grateful I was not swayed to do so during the time of my vulnerability.

Today, I have three children in total.  I also have experienced the loss of a child through miscarriage.  Although I love each of my children, I have to admit a special place in my heart particularly exists for Sarah, alone.  It was her life that gave mine hope through the act of courage and strength I was able to exhibit through my decision to choose life.  A decision I will never regret and for which I am eternally grateful!

Mary's story is so touching and heartfelt.  It is one that speaks of great courage and commitment to LIFE above and beyond what society told her she should do.  The love she experiences through her children and most especially, through her daughter, shall be a gift she can hold onto for all eternity.  How precious a gift each child is to us.  How sacred those defenseless lives carried in the womb. 

Imagine the anguish Mary would now feel if she had NOT chose to respect that life?

Imagine the tragedy of a world without the lovely and precious Sarah.

Just imagine.

I would also like to add to this story the fact that we, as post-abortive women, know full well the answer to the "imagine if" question posed above.  Therefore, I implore each of you to seek healing if you suffer from abortion and also, to help others be prevented from suffering so very much unnecessarily.  I hope Mary's story shall serve as an inspiration to us all.

Mary is a strong supporter of LIFE and also, remains an advocate for adoption as an alternative to abortion.  Although adoption was not her choice, she feels it is a worthwhile choice for women not ready or unwilling to parent.  It is a choice to provides dignity and respects the Sanctity of Life.


NOTE:  If anyone has questions for Mary or even comments, please leave them below.  I am happy to forward them to her on your behalf.  Any responses she has will be placed in the comments box below, as well.  Thank you for respecting her request to remain anonymous at this time.